I survive the day on caffeine and cake and chocolate at the moment. Multiple night wakings from the baby, breastfeeding, a busy toddler and preschooler, trying to be a good wife, friend, sister, daughter and keeping on top of the house and all the daily jobs are exhausting. It's starting to take it's toll, something has to give and right now it's me... I resemble a zombie and that's on a good day :)
I never find the time to put any make up on, paint my toes or even iron my clothes and let's not talk about my eyebrows...The size of the bags under my eyes are the equivalent to the shopping trip of a lifetime and my hair is constantly tossed up in my affectionately named mum bun. My husband tells me I am beautiful daily, I love him for that because I feel far from it right now. I love him even more today because last night he came home with this for me and left it by the kettle to give me a little boost today:
I know it won't last forever and I'm so lucky to be blessed with my three beautiful children and all that comes with it, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard and that I shouldn't say it's hard. The tiredness is all consuming some days, sleep is all I can think about, but then when the opportunity arises to have a nap or a rest I can't sleep, the cogs of my brain are whirring constantly. Sometimes it's easier to keep going, to not stop, when I stop I crash and burn.
Every parent knows this tired, it is a tired like no other. It's so intense, but it does end and I know this and have survived it twice before. Soon the broken nights will end and I'll probably wish them back as that will mean my babies will have grown.
The lack of sleep is productive in many ways. While feeding the baby in the night I have switched energy supplier, done several online food shops, replied to emails, written blog posts and have done most of my Christmas shopping, all in the middle if the night, from the comfort of my bed.
I also like to think that the tiredness is good in someways. It means I've given the girls my all and then some and that's really important to me.
For my birthday next year I asked my husband in jest for a night in a hotel on my own so I can have one, blissful, uninterrupted nights sleep. For now I shall just be tired for a little while longer, make myself a cuppa and cut a large slice of cake while the baby sleeps ;)