6 February 2016

Sometimes motherhood can be tough...

Don't get me wrong motherhood is the most incredible thing I have ever undertaken, it's changed me as a person, made me better in so many ways and I love it and my babies more than anything in the world. However, I'm all for honest motherhood so I'm just going to throw this out there... sometimes it is really tough. And that's OK, although it doesn't always feel it at the time. 

I have had a rubbish few weeks which this time I will put down to the torture that is extreme sleep deprivation with three small children to be a mother to. I felt like a little hamster in an exercise ball, running and running and running until eventually I crashed into a wall. I wanted to and needed to get off the mummy train, for just a moment.

Image from Pinterest
The worst part was probably that I didn't feel I could say that I wasn't enjoying motherhood right now in that moment, it's not something many people openly say. You only have to log onto social media to see a beautifully filtered feed of motherhood in all it's perfection. I share our wonderful moments in this way too - to celebrate them and to capture memories in time, they are however a bit like my X factor best bits and not a true representation of daily life. Very few people are posting a 'selfie' having been up every hour with a baby or instagramming the poo explosions at 3am, vomit on their shoulder, children fighting or the pile of rice crispies and milk on the floor that their toddler has chucked off the table, there is no filter for that.

The other week when all three of my children were screaming and I had to get them out of the car in the pouring rain into the house at the end of a very long day and a night of absolutely no sleep, resulting in me crying too, that wasn't much fun. 

Most days I find myself trying to make the tea with a crying baby attached to me, a hungry toddler climbing my leg whining for bread sticks and an overtired preschooler telling me she hates what I'm cooking.  I haven't had the opportunity for even a wee for 5 hours, have eaten the children's left overs for lunch and have all the housework and jobs still to do when they go to bed. It's like some sort of continuous 24 hr never ending survival challenge without a second to myself and coming bottom of the pile all the time can feel... A little bit tough. 

Oli works quite a few weekends which can be quite lonely and the days are long. I make the best of it though and the girls and I have great fun on days out but it has been known for me to carry a child on my shoulders, one in the sling, one in a pushchair and carry a nappy bag when the children have got cold or their legs are tired when we are 20 minutes walk from the car... One desperately needing a wee. You get the picture. That afternoon was a little bit hard.

I feel guilty for feeling this (that's a whole other post) as I know I am incredibly lucky to be a mother to three incredible little ladies but that doesn't mean I have to love every minute of it, I'm not superhuman. I am a normal human being, living a normal life, wading my way through motherhood and like anything you do in life there will be ups and downs.

We don't always feel comfortable saying we are finding things hard, it leaves us feeling a bit vulnerable I think. I'm acutely aware that there are lots of other people out there with far tougher situations, but it's all relative and over the last few weeks I've learnt that it's really important to say if I'm finding things a bit tricky. When I finally did the other week to Oli, my mum and my dearest friends I felt so much better. I asked for help, I asked for a break and following a little bit of self care it's all good right now. 

Thankfully the tough bits are heavily punctuated, in fact far outweighed, with amazing, funny, happy, wonderful and 'I can't believe I get the privilege of doing' this bits. 

Me x

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for being so honest. I do sometimes wonder how you do it and it's nice to hear that you have crazy days too.


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