Lately, despite my very best efforts, i've felt like I haven't been doing anything particularly well. Being a mum, wife, friend, daughter, sister and an employee has left me feeling pulled in rather a lot of directions. Trying to give each of these things my all has left me feeling deflated, frustrated and most of all exhausted. It's just not attainable to have and do it all, all of the time, which is why i've decided that i'm letting some things slide and i'm ok with that.
My mistake has been trying to do everything well so i'm trying to live by the 80/20 theory which basically endorses letting things slide and accepting there will be some things each week that just won't have 100% of my focus, effort or attention. By focusing on doing 80% of things well I'm allowing myself to let 20% of things slide each week, whether that be the housework, not worrying that I haven't replied to all messages on my phone from friends and family, or spent any time with my husband.
One week I may barely speak to my husband as we sit on the sofa at either end, scrolling through our phones too exhausted to actually talk to each other, or barely see each other because of work or other commitments. The next week it's date night and a lie in while the children stay overnight with grandparents, or a takeaway snuggled up watching a film or a family weekend where we can step back and feel super proud together of our lovely children.
I might go for weeks without seeing or speaking to my friends, meaning to get in touch and see how they are, then the next week we'll have coffee or dinner or a marathon video call and all is well in the world again.
I might have a week where I forget to put water bottle in my daughters book bag, or we're too tired to do her reading and they watch far too much tv, but the next week we're on it, nothing is forgotten and we go off out adventuring together.
I might have a week when I do nothing for myself and am rushed off my feet and others where I take the time to run myself a bath, go to yoga or treat myself to a bit of pampering even if it's just painting my own nails.
There are where my house looks like it has been burgled, with washing piled up and an empty fridge because I haven't had chance to do the online shop and the thought of going to the actual shop with 3 children fills me with fear. Then other weeks we kind of catch up and it's tidy and calmer, and the washing baskets are almost empty!
There are weeks we have beans on toast for tea and then weeks i'm cooking things Nigella would be proud of and baking up a storm.
There are weeks where my work doesn't always get the best of me because i'm tired from being up all night with the children but others where i'm on fire with efficiency and I leave at the end of the day with a huge sense of achievement.
Anyway you get the picture - basically the theory in summary is 'cut yourself some slack'. There will be weeks when its 80/20, 70/30, 60/40 and even 50/50 and that's ok with me because it all evens out in the end and you never know there might even be the odd week where the stars align and everything feels 100% in order. I've been surprised at how ok i've been with this given the perfectionist in me but it's been so refreshing and has really taken the pressure off. So here's to letting things slide... right now its the pile of dishes in the sink because i'd rather be sitting here writing!